Dear logitech, love my wave wireless keyboard. Don’t need the numeric keypad. How can I safely saw it off? tx, Kent. — @KentBeck

Does anybody know the name of, source of, maker of, the urinal in Greens Restaurant in Ft. Mason, Frisco? This is not a joke. — @MrAlanCooper

Why didn’t they make throat armor in the Game of Thrones days? There’s a blacksmith out there that should be fired. — @SarahKSilverman

Wait—is Moneyball nominated for Best Spreadsheet or for Fewest Women? — @ftrain

Girl eats 4,000 washing-up sponges. bit.ly/yNKIAh /me: posted without comment. — @scottdavis99

Dawn is off to teach eager veterinary students about cow belching. [I don't make the news; I just report it.] — @marick

Japanese Fart Scrolls. A whole new sphere of academic study. tofugu.com/2012/02/18/jap… — @stephenfry

US crackdown on crystal meth means Sudafed is hard to buy. But meth is easy to buy; here’s how to make Sudafed from it. heterodoxy.cc/meowdocs/pseud… — @ciphergoth

I tried to start my own political party once, but we failed to gain support. http://sgp.cm/0757d1 — @cmdrtaco

I would gladly trade all my fame and fortune for even more fame and fortune. — @ConanOBrien

Yelp IPO: 8 yr-old company, $83M in revs (up 70% y/y), $16M in loss (up 100% y/y), valued at $1.3B. You do the math. — @dhh

I am told I am trending worldwide on twitter—but I feel the same here stuck in traffic. — @johncusack

No Tweet results for yelp fame fortune. — @twitter

OMG this is seriously good—the new Manchester Time Machine app from the @NWfilmarchive. s.coop/815c — @MancLibraries

Someone tweeted me today asking if I could check out their demos on MySpace... proof that time travel is possible. — @example

Dear future self: if you’re in a bad mood, just remember what today felt like. — @ginatrapani

I always give my future self way too much credit when it comes to remembering passwords. — @davepeck

Facebook’s future, 2012-2025 [infographic] is.gd/S4qkEa — @GuyKawasaki

Facebook is our past. Twitter is our present. Unemployment is our future. — @MoistPork

I think @robcorddry will be nominated for hot tub time machine at some point in the future and past. — @johncusack

Berners-Lee “sorry” for HTTP’s forward slashes. blork.ly/y1dwDl — @davewiner

Today I earned my black belt in Groveling for Conference Rooms. — @noelrap

When you say “You missed my point,” you’re blaming the wrong person. — @petdance

I’d rather tell my invoice resource it is now paid, rather than that its “paid” attribute became 1. — @peterc

Let’s argue about whether Haskell or Clojure is better while somebody else ships products using PHP and duct tape. — @agentdero

I had resolved to stay out of arguments on the Internet, but that’s shaping up to be too drastic a lifestyle change. — @lizardbill

A bunch of the cool kids in the Ruby/Rails world use vi. Looks like tmux is your friend. Watch youtu.be/JXwS7z6Dqic buy pragprog.com/book/bhtmux/tm… — @pragdave

From page 35 of the English:Ruby phrase book: “I hate you with a seething passion” translates roughly as “rescue nil.” — @cowboyd

Ruby 1.9 has support for GOTO through the SUPPORT_JOKE compiler flag. I am not making this up. patshaughnessy.net/2012/2/29/the-… — @ReinH

One assertion per test is an excellent way to exercise the reader’s short term memory and the fine motor skill of scrolling. — @marick

My phone is telling me that the high today is 48, the low is 50, and it’s currently 37. Related: computers control markets and fly planes. — @Chris_Ashworth

Beginning to think that the software that cracks CAPTCHAS is technically passing the Turing test. — @hal_hildebrand

Reclaim the internet and your life by using #IFTTT. youtu.be/cAbB6qmTFU4 — @ParkerXL

The Anti-IF Campaign is recruiting new members. Join us! bit.ly/2qyIk — @AntiIFSchool

Implementation and Big Thoughts are the chocolate and peanut butter of programming. — @KentBeck

“The real problem is that since you are in Australia, all bits must be turned upside-down during transmission.” — @codinghorror

Some programmers, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll use floating point arithmetic.” Now they have 1.999999999997 problems. — @tomscott

When OS X *fully* embraces iOS, that’ll be the Cougar release. — @JohnShade1

Programming as brussel sprouts: geekymomblog.com/2012/02/24/is-… — @gvwilson

Listen first, know your friends, nothing is private, stay on guard, don’t feed trolls, create more than you consume: j.mp/AwZZji — @rands

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain — @bakadesuyo

RT @joshlam: Google was late 2 search. Facebook was late 2 social networking. Apple was late 2 MP3 player. Late is nothing. Just do it better. — @MrAlanCooper

Scientific goat breeding program + fence vs horny buck. Bet on the buck. Every time. — @KentBeck

A pizza with radius “z” and thickness “a” has the volume pi*z*z*a. #math #education — @intmath

The Bard retwitten? #SeussSpeare, I’m smitten. — @pragpub

“What you wake up on Saturday thinking about is your passion and what u should do.” -Reid Hoffman — @puneetchawla

Getting an initial contact from another company through their SEO firm is like getting a love letter from your girlfriend’s drug dealer. — @peterc

The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate. — @nealbrennan

If every claim of “X produces Y” included a Tukey bar-and-whisker plot, humanity would be better off. — @marick

If dolphins were as smart as people say, they’d stop hanging around with tuna fish. — @MrAlanCooper